Cibophobia (My Fear of Leftovers)

I have a phobia: a fear of left overs. In my brain (and we all know by now just how screwy that is) there is a ticking time-bomb that starts the minute the food hits my plate. Whether I am at home or out at a restaurant, the left overs get saved and put away. But I know I am never going to touch that food again. No way. What if some strange bacteria have already settled in? What if some alien spores burrowed into the folds and creases of my chicken strips and unbeknownst to me, have started to spread out microscopic tendrils all over the strip. And it lies there, in wait, until I take it out of the fridge and eat it and the tendrils spread up my nasopharynx into my brain where the alien gets control of my thoughts? It could happen! Stop laughing!

But honestly, the next day even, the food starts to taste strange to me. Like some weird clone of the food it once was. As if it was sent through Seth Brundle’s teleportation pods and was taken apart at the molecular level and put back together. Not the same. Which to me says something has happened to it. Some strange physical process is occurring in that food and I should not be eating that! The texture isn’t even the same. It’s bad juju. My refrigerator, by the end of the week has become nothing more than a left-over green mile. Food just sitting there waiting for the day it will get removed and disposed of (quietly, without any pomp and circumstance, lest my husband see it all and have a fit about how weird my “food issues” are and look at all this food you’ve wasted this week!) and that day is typically Sunday when I get groceries and I need room for new, fresh food. Which leads me to another confession…I also sometimes buy food but then, after a few days of it being in the fridge, I start thinking it might be too old as well and I don’t eat it. I am notorious for doing this with lunch meats and sometimes cheeses. It’s bad, I know. I fully accept that it is a first world problem and shame on me for wasting food……but what if…..what if those little bugs have already seeded the food in the fridge? What if those alien organisms have started their take over. I just can’t take that chance. Better safe than sorry, better hungry than mind-controlled or even worse, having fecal incontinence due to listeria!

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