I drive for an hour and a half to and from work every day. That’s three hours on the road total. I drive country roads, highways, city streets and everything in between. I have seen and experienced all types of terrible driving and have a new appreciation for the term “Road Rage”. I know many of you are out there every day too, so please allow me to impart my observations to you in the hopes that either A) you can empathize or B) I can stop you from continuing some really annoying habits. Here I submit to you my Top 5 Road-Rage Inducing Habits of Annoying Drivers
- Turn Signals: Come on people! You all know how to use them. But the problem is, either you don’t use them or you don’t know when to use them. When I am following someone who has their blinker on, I put on my patient girl panties, but ½ mile later, when they are driving slower than a sloth on pot, my panties start to bunch. 100 feet before the turn, people. It’s that simple. And another thing, if you get in the mother-fucking turn lane because somewhere in the next 5 miles you are going to turn left, and I get stuck behind you and the rusted Oldsmobile in the right lane is driving the same speed as you, I am simply going to lose my shit. You wanna drive like a presbyopic octogenarian, then you WAIT to get in that lane until it is absolutely necessary. That lane is not for you! It’s for me and everyone else who wants to get somewhere today. Last but certainly not least is the refusal to use a turn signal (and turning it on as you turn does not help and it goes in this category as well). In fact, the other day, I was waiting to pull out into traffic, the car driving up to me was a police officer and he did not have his turn signal on, so I assumed that he would be driving past and I should wait. Then, as he turned onto the road I was on, he turned on his signal. Well, Thank You Sir. I don’t mind waiting here. My time is certainly not as important as yours. I’ll be sure not to speed to make up for my wait, I wouldn’t want to disregard basic traffic laws, now would I???
- Merging: Here’s the bottom line when it comes to merging: You have to make it happen. You, not me. You want in my lane, you don’t drive along-side me for miles waiting for me to change my speed to let you in! And if you want to pass someone and I am coming up in the passing lane, then you need to watch and get out quickly before me and pass him and get back in your own lane. You don’t look all pathetic with your turn signal on like “please, ma’am, will you let me out” No, you watch and get out and if you do, so help me, you better pass the car and then get out of my way. And lastly, if we are coming up to construction and you all see the same signs as me that we are going down to one lane, then you don’t keep driving in that lane until the barrels force you over. Ugh! Why? Why do people do that? These same people come up on an on-ramp and ride on it until it disappears then merge. What are you afraid of? You have to get on the highway! There is no other way. Just get on the fucking highway!
- Construction: Ever notice they start these projects early in the summer but nothing happens all summer long except you getting to sit in traffic because they blocked it down to one lane, you rarely even see a live human working but as soon as school starts back up and summer’s on its last legs, the orange vested worker ants are scurrying about looking busy. You know when you decide to do some re-organizing in your house and you bite off way more than you can chew. You tear everything out and it’s all over the house but you can’t possibly get to all of it for weeks? That’s what construction is like. Boys, why do you need to block a lane for miles and miles and miles while you work on a stretch of 500 feet? What’s the point? You know you can’t possibly get this all done, so why block it all off? Just so I have to drive 45-50 mph for half my trip stuck behind all sorts of incompetent drivers. That’s what I think. You need to get your job done in a timely manner just the rest of us. Quit standing around with 5 of your buddies drinking coffee, talking on your walkie-talkies and looking at blue-prints while one guy drives like a maniac on those little mini-roller things. If you all get to work, we could also get to work….on time.
- Passing: If you must get right up on my ass and stay there for a while to decide if you want to pass me, then, here, let me help you decide what to do: back the fuck off. Because let me tell you what happens when you swing on out into the pass lane; you drive right along beside me. I hate this. I hate this almost as much as when you swing back into my lane in front of me and slow down. So if you want to pass, you pass me and get on with it. I should not be able to catch up with you at any time.
- Speed: Welcome to Michigan, where no one drives the speed limit and certainly no one drives under it. The only acceptable exceptions to this rule are the Amish, Student Drivers, and tractors (which really have no business on the road but that’s a rant for a different day). I hate two lane roads because this is where people who do not like to follow the unwritten rules of Michigan like to drive. I simply must drive 5-7 mph over the limit when off the highway. I can’t not do it. This is from my days growing up in rural PA where we drove like maniacs on all the back roads. It’s genetic. I can’t help it and you people who refuse to do so make me break out in a rash!