Today, boys and girls, we will be learning about a superfluous profession that has no business being in existence. If you like to give advice and tell other people how to live their life while ignoring your own flawed and questionable morals is a Life Coach. What does a Life Coach do, you might ask. Well, I already told you. A life coach comes along and tells you about all the things you are doing wrong and what you need to do to make your life better. What kind of schooling do you need? That’s the best part, as you and I both know many people out there with a “do as I say, not as I do” approach to life, you don’t need to have any special education at all to declare yourself able to critique the lives of others and give them helpful advice such as “marriages and the welfare of children suffer when a stressed-out mother doesn’t have time to be a woman, a wife, and a hands-on Mommy“(She is referring to a working mother, who according to her is selfish and doesn’t give two shits about her kids or her poor, suffering husband). This was some great advice from what I consider a Life Coach and not exactly someone who has any business giving advice, Dr. Laura Schlessinger (a working mom who has worked throughout her sons entire life). But, PM, you say, she is a doctor, you were just talking about not having to have any special schooling. True, she is a doctor. She has a PhD in physiology (you remember anatomy and physiology, right? Physiology is the study of how the human body works) and her doctoral thesis must have had something to do with brain chemistry, right? Nope. It was on insulin’s effects on lab rats. So, after she graduated with this honorable degree, she got a job at a radio station giving out advice (why not a job in the physiology field? Maybe torturing more lab animals or something?). She liked telling people how to live their lives so much, she did finally receive some additional training with a certification in marriage and family counseling and a therapists license in the state of California. So, is she anymore than a Life Coach? Not in my book. A real doctor treats patients fairly and unbiased. They leave their opinions and religious beliefs out of it. So when giving a patient advice, we review all their options, the benefits and risks of each. Fake doctors, or ones who have no business giving advice, are no better than a busy-body, know-it-all; throwing stones from behind the walls of their glass house.
I seem a little jaded, don’t I? Well, the thing is, I drive 3 hours total round trip everyday to work and back. I have Sirius/XM radio in my car and unfortunately I occasionally find myself having to listen to the biased and hypocritical “advice” this woman is giving to poor, naive souls who don’t understand who she is. I have tried to be fair and listen but her rude and shocking comments make me so sick I have to turn it, sometimes I get so desperate I’ve even turned on country-western! What prompted this post in particular was this past weekend when I accidentally tuned into her terrible show. A woman called to ask for advice on staying in touch with her grandchild. She started by saying that her son had a one night stand with this “young lady” and before she could continue, “Dr.” Laura interrupted to say “don’t call her a lady! Ladies do not have one night stands. ever. So don’t call her that again”. WTF? This woman is unbelievable. Who is this “holier than thou” advice-giver” I wondered. So I looked her up. Turns out, she’s done a lot of things she strongly speaks out against. She’s been divorced, she was the other woman when she started an affair with a married man and father of three. He left his family and they subsequently “shacked-up” for about 9 years (shacking up, is her term, not mine) before she got pregnant and they finally got married. You can read her blog about what she thinks of women like this. She calls them “shack-up honeys” and bimbos. Where’s the self-love Dr. Laura? She gives advice about family relationships but must have learned about that in her certification courses since she was estranged from both her sister and her mother. Her mother died alone and the body was left unfound in the condo for 2 months and then sat unclaimed for awhile in the morgue. This is definitely a woman I want relationship advice from. She hates pornography which is probably because this one time when she had an affair with another married man, she let him take naked pictures of her which he later sold to an internet porn site.
I could go on and on and on. But I won’t. I know my rants are typically humorous but that’s because I own up to my faults as much as I am aware of anyways and that can be very funny. Being mean and judgemental and actually calling people names for doing the same things you do/did is just a bully. Here’s what I think: Live and let live. Love thy neighbor. I don’t judge….oh what the hell am I saying of course I do! I judge you for wearing Fuck-Me boots at Disney World, but see, I own that. And I am not going to give you advice either….no wait, I did, didn’t I? I said wear some practical shoes. Oh fuck, I guess I’m a life coach too. But here’s my promise to you; I will continue to make as much fun at myself as I do you….and in return you can tell me where you got those fabulous boots!