21st Century Recruiting

Prompt Day #5: “Satan0666” instant messages you. Script the conversation. Be sure to have the unwelcome prince of darkness utilize emoticons and chat room shorthand.

 

21st Century Recruiting

 

Satan0666: Hey, there friend!

Me: Who is this?

Satan0666: Your new bestie! Just got on line, I’m networking! :)>

Me: So, who are you?

Satan0666: Come now, I’ve been FB stalking you. I know you’re smart enough to figure that out. You don’t go to church and judging by your posts and comments, you wouldn’t call yourself a die-hard Christian.

Me: Ok, Satan, you got me there. I guess I would call myself an atheist. And that means I don’t believe in you either.

Satan0666: I know what atheist means, to me it means you’re halfway there. Can I interest you in an apple?  :)<

Me: No thanks, Not interested.

Satan0666: I meant a Mac, an Apple laptop. Any good writer needs a Mac. You do want to be a published writer, right? I can help you with that.

Me: And in exchange, what do I do for you?

Satan0666: Me? What could I possibly want or need that I can’t get? I just want the best for my people. God does that for his, right? Well, no, he doesn’t does he? He lets them suffer, tells them it’s best to suffer now in exchange for an eternity of paradise. I offer you everything you could possibly want now (when you have a body to enjoy it with) and in exchange…

Me: An eternity of Hell-fire and suffering? I’ll pass.

Satan0666: LOL! You’re basing that on that silly Christian book. No, I’m more a fan of my dear friend Dante. Levels of Hell, my dear. That Hell-fire and brimstone stuff is for the hard core evil human beings, Manson and Hitler, that sort.

Me: Ok, right, so my level would be what? A cabana over the ocean in a tropical paradise only it’s just slightly too humid everyday?

Satan0666: Oh my, you are witty. Well, I can’t promise that! But we can work out a very mild inconvenience, like how about an eternity in a cheap motel with bedbugs? Or, wait a minute, do you mind cockroaches? I could give you a trailer with a cockroach infestation? Just sleep with the lights on.

Me: Ok, I think we’re done here.

Satan0666: Eat anything you want and never gain a pound? And an afterlife full of wine and cheese?

Me: Wine and cheese?

Satan0666: That little maggoty cheese of course….but that’s a delicacy in some parts of the world!

Me: Please stop messaging me

Satan0666: Just think about it. An afterlife of a few bugs or worms is better than nothing, right?

Satan0666: Come on! Look at me, I’m totally with it, I have a Twitter account and everything!

Satan0666: Text me or email if you change your mind. >:(>    (Sad me, without you)

Satan0666: Ok, then, great chatting with you. TTYL!

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