The Comet

Prompt Day #61: Lovingly describe an over-the-top imaginary weapon, as if you were an advertiser writing copy or the person assigned to write the sales pitch that appears in a mail order catalog. [For inspiration, try a knife manufacturer, like the one at crkt.com]

Ok, Look, I suck at weapons, I don’t talk much about them. My deaths are usually personal via strangulations, knives, poisons or pure wild feeding frenzies. I have really struggled with these few prompts, they go outside what I typically write about and also, new job, new home, new school system for my son, it all adds up to a busy, fractured mind that probably isn’t getting to devote all its creative potential to the task. (Not to mention I have been researching for my novel and working on some of the first couple chapters) I only ask that you bear with me and I promise I’ll get better. But hey, if nothing else, lets celebrate the two months of Instigation prompts completed. Ten more to go!

The Comet

“Hey Folks! Billy Mays here. That’s right; I’ve come back from grave because I just couldn’t miss out on sharing this amazing product with you. Since I’ve been gone, there’s been a lot of talk about gun control. And you know why that is? Because there is so much more gun violence these days. Man, I’ll tell you, if I wasn’t already dead, I’d be looking for way to protect myself. You want to invest in a good solid weapon but what happens if you buy a gun only to have the government come along and take it from you? Or maybe you’re like me, a little shaky with the aim? You’ve got nothing to worry about my friends, because we’ve got an amazing weapon designed purely for personal safety.

We call this baby The Comet. Let me show you why….Haha, wow, did you see that? This thing shoots Japanese throwing stars. Shooting stars! The Comet! We’ve taken the advanced technology of the multi-disc CD player and put it into an automatic throwing star gun. You don’t have to have a great aim, here folks, just start shooting, these little beauties will come spinning out like killer Frisbees at the speed of…get this…ninety miles an hour! If you got hit with a baseball at 90 mph, you’d be down for the count, but you get hit by a few throwing stars going 90, you’re gonna be down for good!

Listen, I hope you will never have to use something like this. I hope the stars it comes with will stay nestled inside the turnstile for the rest of your life, but you and I both know, it only takes one time and your life is changed for good. And yes, you heard me right; this private ninja comes with ammo. You don’t pay a single cent extra. You buy the gun, we supply the stars. This gun here, takes six stars. Now bring the camera in here so I can show my friends the edges of these stars. Take a look at that folks. These things slice through just about any material, including Kevlar. Can a bullet do that? Here, let’s have a look….Nope, this bullet isn’t cutting through anything, but watch this, Kevlar, Bam! Aluminum, Boom! Even a carrot! Hey, this thing’s just as handy in the kitchen, at bar-b-ques and at camp!

And if you call now, not only will you get the gun and the six stars, I will throw in a second set of throwing stars for free….AND THAT’S NOT ALL! You’ll also receive a specialized holster, and are you ready for this; A second gun! And this baby…well, this one ain’t for the ladies if you know what I mean! Now, a traditional throwing star is 4” in diameter, but this gun takes big babies. This gun here uses 6” diameter stars and it only takes one. You can’t miss and you can’t miss out on this limited time offer. Call now! I may have eternity, but you don’t.

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