Letter From The Asylum

Prompt Day #109: Describe the mascot for Psycho University

 Letter From The Asylum

Dear Mom,

Today was the first day of my psychiatric rotation. So far, I have enjoyed all my rotations but this one scared me a little at first. When I got there, they introduced me to Dr. Thompkins. He has been the resident psychiatrist at the asylum for over twenty years! I couldn’t imagine doing anything for that long. He gave me a tour and I must say, I was shocked at the state that some of these people lived in. I was worried about being in a room alone with them. But that is all part of being a doctor, I guess.

What I wanted to tell you about though was the patient that I had to admit today. Not long after I arrived at the asylum, the paramedics brought in a man who had gone a little crazy at a local pub. Dr. Thompkins told me to go talk to him and prepare a history and physical and then present my diagnosis. I walked into the room and there stood a man still in the strait jacket. I was shocked. Patients are not supposed be kept in restraints. I walked out angrily as if I already worked there and demanded that the EMS workers immediately remove it. They assured me that the patient wanted to be in the jacket.

I went back in to the room. I said hello and he spun around. He was laughing and jumping up and down. His pitch black hair stuck up and out in all directions. His eyes rolled wildly in their sockets.

“I’m a psycho, you’re a psycho, Kill, Kill, Kill. He’s a psycho, they’re all psychos Kill, Kill, Kill!” He opened his mouth and gnashed his teeth. He came running at me and I swear he was growling. Drool dripped down his chin. I stood my ground. I was so afraid but I couldn’t let him see my weakness. He got right up into my face and grinned a crazy grin. “Pyschos do what they have to do to get what they want.” He said and then he backed up and said “And what do we want?” He looked at me turning his head this way and that like a dog trying to understand something confusing. “I said what do we want?” He repeated. Finally I said “I would like to know your name.” He laughed. “Do you mind letting me out of this thing if you aren’t going to play along, then?” He said matter of factly. I stood there, my turn to look confused. The doors opened up and Dr. Thompkins stood there laughing with all the staff I had just met. The head nurse came up to me and said “You were supposed to say: Haldol!” then she laughed. Dr. Thompkins meanwhile was removing the jacket and another nurse was wiping the drool off the man’s chin and smoothing down his chair. The man, who now looked just like one of the staff came up and held his hand out. “Welcome to Psycho University, I’m Dr. Lassiter.” He said. “I’m sorry if I frightened you. This is how we haze our newbies. Psycho University is what we all refer to this place because I promise you, you’ll learn more here than any other rotation you’ll have in your entire medical career. So, Welcome.”

That was it! Can you believe it? It was insane but at the same time it was exhilarating. Mom, I think I found my specialty. Those people were great and I think I could see myself working with them for the rest of my life. Is that crazy? Has this place rubbed off on me already? Maybe. After all, I’m a psycho, you’re a psycho……

Your loving son,