Spellfie

Prompt Day #155: Write a magical spell, applying your talent for dark humor.

 Listen, I’ve done a selfie or two, we all have, but this spell right here is for all those (and you know who you are) who think the world wants to see every one of your “sexy” photos that you’ve taken from high above you (thereby avoiding the dreaded double chin and also sneaking in a little cleavage) or the ones with your lips pushed out. (Girls please, I know you’ve seen the jokes on line–it ISN’T SEXY. I swear to god you look ridiculous) or my personal favorite; the “I look so damn good I couldn’t even wait til I got somewhere to take a picture of myself so here I am in the car.” Oh how I wish this spell really worked….but where would I get a corpse’s thumb this time of year?

Spellfie

Protects the caster against a barrage of selfies every time they open their social media and it will place a curse on someone chosen by the caster so that they will never again be able to take a “good” selfie—instead they will be plagued with poor lighting, blinks, sneezes, and double chins.

 

Conceit, ego and vanity

Your display of self-love sickens me

That I should see your face each day

Because you think you’re such a “bae”

Into this vessel I shall place

Narcissus pollen for your love of face

A shard of mirror where you like to stare

And take photos in your underwear

A duck’s bill cut in two long strips

To symbolize your pursed out lips

A dead man’s thumb upon a spike

To let you know that I dislike

A fly-line tied with confidence

For you to fish for compliments

Pour gasoline and set aflame

A note writ with your first name

Let it burn within this pot

Until your ability to take a shot

As perfect as you think you are

Has gone the way of faded star

And every photo you try to take

Will make the viewer writhe and shake.

Into the dark I place this brew

And pray the gods my words ring true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements