Reasons For Extinction

Prompt Day #156: The title of your piece is: “Reasons For Extinction”

 

“God, Can I talk to you?”

“Yes Michael, of course. You are my number one  Angel after all”

“Right, so I found this laying over by the Window to Earth and well, it looks like your handwriting.”

“Oh, yes, that is mine. It’s my private journal, I hope you didn’t read any of it. Because it is the journal of good and evil and if you read it then you’d be my equal and you can’t do stuff like that because it’s a big time sin and well, I’d have to kick you out and…”

“Yeah, I know how that goes, I have Genesis memorized, remember how you said it was your favorite chapter and we all should read and memorize it? So, I know. Anyways, see the thing is, while normally I would never invade your privacy, you left it laying open and I couldn’t really help but to see what you were writing about.”

“Let me see it! You give it to me right now!”

“No. I’m sorry but we need to talk about this: ‘Reasons for Extinction’? What is this? You promised them, remember?”

“Ok, look, I’m just coming up with some valid reasons they could go extinct and I not get blamed and anyways; I promised to never destroy the earth again in a flood. That’s all I ever promised. I’m just saying IF they were to go extinct, what things might have nothing to do with me”

“Number one: A big volcano”

“Not a flood”

“Number Two: A plague”

“Ok, you have to give me credit there, first of all it’s totally old testament, so classic and secondly, it’s not my fault I practically hand them cures and instead they refuse to use the vaccines. They’re practically begging for it.”

“Point taken. Number three: GMOs.”

“So, alternatively, I go ultra modern, like the NEW New Testament or something”

“Number Four: Too Awkward to Mate. What the heck does this even mean?”

“Ok, young people nowadays are just weird. I mean so strange. They have no social skills at all. They seem to think if they want to learn how to interact with the opposite sex they can just google it. Eventually no one will know how to talk to each other and therefore unable to properly and effectively mate”

“That’s pretty sad. But that will take time and maybe in time, they’ll learn. And I have to tell you Number Five is shocking coming from you. You’re going to hand the reigns over to your arch nemesis?”

“Darwin is not my arch nemesis. Obviously, I know evolution exists, hello, Times change, living things need to adapt. I mean you can’t be immortal and ignore that simple fact slapping you in the face every millennia or so”

“So what does Number Five: Accelerated Darwinism mean then? 

“It means, I take a fully hands off approach and let survival of the fittest do it’s thing”

“You’re gonna lose a lot of your most faithful followers that way.”

“I can’t keep cleaning up their messes, they need to learn how to use common sense. They need to realize they can’t live out of a book written 2000 years ago. They need to learn to EVOLVE.”

“Which leads you to Number Six: Global Warming.”

“Did I say ‘Let There Be Chlorofluorocarbons?’ Nope. Besides, this is a good one. Have you seen them down there? They’re like a bunch of toddlers running around breaking shit. Go ahead ask them what happened to this nice Earth I made. You know what they’ll say? ‘We don’t know what happened, or Somebody else did it, or my favorite: what are you talking about, nothing’s wrong with it’ Oh, man those humans. I’m leaning towards this one, you know”

“So, you’re planning to destroy it then? This is real?”

“I’m letting THEM destroy it, therefore they cannot blame me.”

“But you aren’t intervening. You’re supposed to intervene.”

“And you’re wondering why I would do such a thing?”

“Kind of. Listen, I know they act like a bunch of spoiled brats but you know, they’re OUR spoiled brats and so we’re supposed to love them unconditionally.”

“Ok, you remember Sodom and Gomorrah? Remember how disgusting and nasty that place was? Ok, now roll all those vile, nasty people into one.”

“But one person, I mean is this worse than Hitler? Because you didn’t intervene then, why now?”

“Yeah, that was my bad on Adolf. I should have intervened. But, I thought letting it happen like that, letting the rest of the world come together against him and see that good common sense and decency will always triumph over evil would be enough for them to learn. But no. It’s so much worse now.”

“Impossible”

“Anyways, I’m not talking about Hitler. Two words for you, Mikie: Donald Trump”

“They’ll never vote for him”

“You think? That place is getting really buggy down there. I’ve never seen such nonsense. So, yeah, this list is my contingency plan. They vote that guy anywhere near the White House and I’m putting these things in a hat and picking one.”

“Ok, but it’s gonna get really crowded up here”

“I doubt that very much, Michael. I really do.”

 

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