Man Finds Living Dinosaur, Marries It!
Anyone woman would be disheartened to find out that her new husband has fallen in love with someone else on their honeymoon, but Alycia Howard had to come to terms with her new spouse falling in love…with another species.
Frugal adventurers Alycia and Bruce Howard met on an online dating service. After three months of chatting, they met in person at the altar.
“We didn’t need to meet, we’d seen some pictures and we knew we had a lot in common.” Says the ex-Mrs. Howard.
“She wasn’t as fat as I thought she was gonna be. That was a bit of a disappointment.” Bruce tells this reporter. “I always liked my woman on the heavy side. When I asked her about it, she said she’d gone on a diet when she met me hoping that she’d be thinner when we met.”
“I know I was dishonest with him, yes. I just wasn’t happy with my body at 430 pounds. I wanted to be able to enjoy our honeymoon.” Alycia, now a slimmer 350, admits.
The honeymoon was spent on an unnamed, uninhabited island somewhere in the South Pacific. Bruce’s uncle charters deep sea fishing trips off the coast of Ecuador. He found the islands after getting lost at sea while fishing in a storm. He offered to sail the couple out there as his wedding gift.
“I get so hot, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but Bruce had his heart on it. How could I say no?” Alycia tells us.
“I couldn’t afford no fancy tropical island resort, so I figured here’s our chance. My uncle, he was able to load up a lot of supplies on his boat, so’s we didn’t need much.” Bruce says.
Arriving on the island, they were disappointed to find most of the inland portion had been cordoned off by the Ecuadorean Government.
“The signs were pretty old and there didn’t seem to be anyone else there, so we decided to ignore the signs and head into the rain forest to set up camp.” Bo Howard, Bruce’s uncle explains.
“Besides, we couldn’t make out most of the Spanish writing anyways.” Bruce adds.
It was during their second day when Bruce met his future wife. They’d planned a hike, but Alycia decided to stay back at camp as the heat was worsening her medical conditions.
“My lymphedema was flaring something awful and I just didn’t have the strength in my legs. I told Bruce to go ahead. I promised to make him a nice grilled fish and fruit salad when he got back. ‘Cept, I never expected I’d need food for us and a dinosaur!” Alycia laments.
Bruce says that he’d traveled about 2 miles into the forest when he heard a loud rustling off to the left.
“At first I thought it was an elephant, then I said to myself; ‘Bruce, you know that ain’t no elephant here in these parts. You know what that is—that’s a dinosaur like that Jurassic Park Island that was full of ‘em”
Bruce says he wanted to run but something told him to hold back and see just what kind of dinosaur he was dealing with.
“I was nervous but then, she came through a wall of vines and greenery. I saw those big gold eyes and I was smitten. She was the most majestic and beautiful thing I’d ever seen.”
What Bruce saw come through the shrubbery was indeed a dinosaur. This paper’s experts have concluded it is a pygmy brontosaurus about the size of a rhinoceros.
“She was the size I’d been hoping Alycia was when we first started conversing. Now, I’ve never felt no sexual attraction to an animal before, so at first I thought all the excitement in my loins was due to seeing a dinosaur for the first time, but as she came closer to me, I saw she had an attraction to me, and I had to give into my feelings.”
When Bruce brought the animal back to camp, Alycia was surprised and hurt.
“I could see right away there was something going on between the two of them. They both had this guilty look and Bruce, well, he couldn’t keep his hands off her. Always rubbing her back and her belly. I knew my marriage was over.”
The marriage had yet to be consummated secondary to Alycia’s medical issues which had worsened significantly in the humid climate of the island. She agreed to an annulment.
“There weren’t no use in fighting it. And I could see what he wanted was a girl a lot bigger than I was comfortable with being, plus I wasn’t sure my body was strong enough to handle it.”
But like the sweet, easygoing woman Alycia Howard is, she stayed on for the remainder of the honeymoon cooking and keeping camp for the two interspecies lovers.
“The hardest part was keeping her fed and cleaning up her poops.” Alycia says without a shred of ambiguity.
When Bo Howard returned he was surprised to find the change in circumstances but had no qualms about offering to marry the two love birds.
“Well, I always knew my nephew was a little different. We all hoped for the best when he met Alycia, but when I saw her, I said ‘Well, she ain’t but a tiny little thing. She ain’t near big enough for Bruce.’ Eh, but we hoped anyways. So when I come back for ‘em and saw that dinosaur, I knew Bruce had fallen head over tail. S, being a boat captain and all, I made sure they did the respectable thing. Didn’t want no one calling him no adulterer or something like that.”
After marrying the man and his dino, Bo took Alycia back to shore leaving the two interspecies lovers on the island.
“Bruce thought it best for Dina [the name given to the little brontosaurus] if they stay in her home because mostly he wasn’t sure how he would feed her back home.” Bo tells us.
But as every story needs a happy ending, this journalist is pleased to report that on the voyage back to Ecuador, Bo and Alycia fell in love and are planning to be married.
“Hey, we know there is a big difference in ages, but at least we’re the same species.” Bo, age 60, tells us. (Alycia is 31)
The couple hit one snag—Alycia and Bruce are still legally married. Bo and Alycia tell us that they have to wait for the missing person report to change to an assumed deceased before they can be married.
“Out of respect for Bruce, we don’t want to give anything away about his location. We know what they’d do to Dina if they ever found them.” Bo tell us.
“No one ought to question love” Alycia says. And this reporter couldn’t agree more.