Psycho Gate

Prompt Day #211: Closing your eyes, flip through a dictionary and let your finger fall on a random word. Now open your eyes. Combine the word you’re pointing at with the word “Psycho” and use that phrase as the title of a new piece of writing. (e.g. “Psycho Machine” or “Machine Psycho” or “Psychomachine”). You can do this with other patented horror terms like “killer,” “freak,” “monster,” and so on.

Because this prompt was like eating a Lays Potato Chip, I did more than one. First I got Psycho Gate and admittedly was like wtf am I gonna do with that? So I did another: Psycho Market….Ok I thought, third times a charm, right? So I got Psycho Foghorn. Really? And then I thought what if they sold Psycho gates and foghorns at the Psycho market. And an infomercial popped into my head….

PS: I made that website up. I don’t know if it is an actual website, I didn’t check (I probably should have) so I cannot be held responsible if you click it. Who knows it may contain a demon summon spell which opens the psycho gate to hell.

Psycho Gate


How many times has this happened to you: You’re sitting at home alone, on a Friday night, or maybe you’re babysitting on Halloween. You’re minding your own business when all of a sudden, a crazed psychopath comes through the door. You jump up and run. Where do you run though? Now, when you aren’t in this situation, it might seem obvious that you would avoid running up the stairs, or into a shed, but when a crazed, slow moving psycho is after you, you’ll choose the very places you can’t escape from. Bad idea!

That’s why we at Psycho Market—proud makers of the Holy Soaker (super soaker prefilled with blessed holy water) and Wooden Arrow Crucifix Bow (A cross bow complete with Jesus Christ’s image that shoots wooden stake like arrows)—are excited to present to you products for this century’s horror. The Psycho Gate is a wrought iron INDOOR/OUTDOOR gate that can be permanently attached to your stairway, thereby preventing you, in times of flight, from running into a trap. Much like the idea of a baby gate, but larger and thicker for adults. Extra large gates can be purchased for shed doors.

Check out our new website www.psychosurvival.web for more great products to keep you alive through this century and into the next! Products like Tome Goggles. These goggles can be worn prior to opening any antique or skin bound book filled with ancient symbols and Latin. Tome goggles scrambles words so that you can’t inadvertently summon a demon when you foolishly read out loud. And hey, we all know the zombie apocalypse is coming any day now, you shouldn’t leave you house without first dousing yourself in “Zomb-pee”. This is lab created zombie urine that will give you the stink of your predators so you remain invisible to them. We extract urine from cadavers and add some brain juices and just a splash of vomit.

Act now and you’ll receive a free Psycho Foghorn. This Foghorn does all the work for you and sounds better (and sexier than you!) When you press the trigger it elicits a B-movie, Blonde Bombshell, Glass Shattering Scream. Great gift for Halloween!

Call Now, Supplies are limited.