The Life of the Prodigal Son

Prompt Day #250: Script a dialogue between the Devil and his publicist.

 Oh gosh you guys, I am so very far behind in my prompts. Its so hard for me because I do not like to fail and I do not like to get off track. I am determined to see this through. For the rest of this week, you’ll see the actually prompt numbers jump around a bit as I’m going to just do them as inspiration strikes until I am once again caught up. Hang in there with me. We’ll get back on track

The Life of the Prodigal Son


“Hello Dev, It’s Luc Cain over at Day Star Public Relations. I’m calling about your autobiography, Uh, The Life of the Prodigal Son.”

“Yes. You’ve finished it, then?”

“Well, sir, I have and I received your note about self-publishing, I’m hoping we can go over a few…well, a few concerns I have and I think the public might have before you go ahead with publication.”

“Six hundred, sixty-six copies have already been sent out, but please, humor me.”

“So, let’s start with the title. You’re basically calling yourself the son of God. I’m not sure how the religious majority will feel about this.”

“Am I not the son of God? Aren’t we all? I was once at his right hand and he sent me away. Now, I am returning to take over his kingdom and the son that stayed by his side is angry and frustrated. I think the title suits.”

“Oh, Geez, well, I guess I never looked at it that way. But you know, the prodigal son wasn’t necessarily kicked out but, but…well.”

“The title stands. As is. Perhaps it pushes buttons, but what good tome doesn’t? If you have no other objections, I’m quite busy.”

“Well, I do actually, uh, there are several instances in this autobiography where you glorify violence and murder; where you discuss your crimes in an almost proud way.”

“Murder, bloodletting are some of the most glorious things on this earth, wouldn’t you say Mr. Cain?”

“Look, it doesn’t matter what I think, Dev, it’s what the public will think.”

“But it does matter what you think. I chose you specifically because of the way you think.”

“Well then, I think this autobiography is much too raw for the general public.”

“What if I changed the story a little?”

“Yes, that’s what I have been saying. I think maybe just smoothing the edges…”

“What if I added a story about a man who finds little girls sexually attractive? Maybe this man started out by trying hard to control his urges but eventually gave in and kidnapped a child? What if this man came to his senses much too late and felt the need to—how did you put it—“smooth the edges” of what he’d done, so he smothered this poor little creature?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, but I think you do. What if I add another chapter about how at night, he would become sexually aroused when he remembered smothering her, realizing that it wasn’t sex he wanted but control; control of life and death. He liked how strong it made him feel to extinguish such a strong little life force so he did it again and again. But then I would want to glorify bloodletting as you pointed out, so I would have to tell how every time he killed a child, his methods evolved into bloodier and more grotesque techniques. Perhaps I could add a map where these little broken bodies are buried—all over the country of course because the man is so well traveled.”

“Dev, I…”

“Oh you don’t have to explain anything to me, Mr. Cain, but I think you will have a harder time with the general public. So, if you want me to tone down the record of my own exploits, so be it, but I will have to fill the space in some way. You understand, don’t you?”

“Of course, Sir. I understand.”

“Do you think, now that you’ve had some time to see it from my perspective, that you can sell my book after all?”

“I will do my best.”

“That’s very reassuring. I’ve seen you at your best and I think that will be more than sufficient.”