Ways in Which I Will Not Die

Prompt Day #331: Write from the viewpoint of a character on his or her deathbed, penning a final memoir called, “Ways in Which I Will Not Die.”

This prompt was begging for the silly poem treatment. As soon as I started, I realized that it’s a homage to Shel Silverstein. So if you hear him in the rhythm or style of this poem, you aren’t wrong. Also, the alternate title of this poem is “Diary of a Dramatic Teenager”…You’ll see.


Ways in Which I Will Not Die


Death stands in the shadows of the room

A grim reminder of my doom

I do not beg and ask him why

But think of ways I will NOT die

Not buried alive or swallowed whole

Or Drawn and quartered from my soul

I’ll never fall from way up high

Or stung by a jellyfish passing by

A Komodo dragon or spider bite

Will not bring about eternal night

I’ll never know just what it’s like

To fall onto a punji spike

To die from infected paper cuts

Or trampled by some elephants

Improperly cooked puffer fish

Is not my idea of a sweet death wish

Sinking breathless in deep quicksand

Blood loss from a chopped off hand

A hat prepared with mercury

Massacred at Wounded Knee

None of these holds my last breath

No, I’ll just lie here bored to death.