The following blog is NOT part of my Horror RIG class. This is a bonus, possibly a series blog that I am doing this weekend and potentially more weekends in the future if this works out. I’m titling them “Chasing After Life” because I am looking for evidence of an afterlife and in doing so, I am trying to make my own life make sense.
I have a confession to make: I don’t believe in god. I used to, I went to church every Sunday growing up, I was baptized, etc. But left organized religion when I became disgusted with human influence and interpretation. My disgust turned to complete lack of respect for the “word of god” because it certainly never sounded like anything a god would order, it sounded a whole lot like man making up a bunch of stupid rules that benefitted their beliefs and opinions at the time. This then evolved into an utter disbelief in a creator or any kind of intelligent design. And as a science major, I had a lot of evidence to back up that conclusion. I still feel that way, I still don’t believe in god and if there is one, I sure don’t want to end up on his side at the end anyways. He sounds like a total jerk.
But I’m also not keen on the idea that I live a life, I grow and learn and love and then I die and it’s just gone. Back to the nothingness from whence I came. I feel like we’re made up of molecule and atoms and energy. And energy cannot be created or destroyed. So, where does it go? Aren’t my thoughts and feelings my brain’s interpretations of that energy? If that energy was suddenly released, could another human brain recognize its pattern as that of a once living being? Could some of my essence stay within that energy? Maybe, hopefully, wouldn’t that be cool if it were true?
So, what I want—no what I NEED to know is: do I end at my death? Am I nothing more than a package of tissues and fluids? Is there something else after this? I want to see. I want to connect with a ghost. I need to experience it myself. See one, hear one, touch one without question. No “Oh that shadow kinda looks like…” or “here is a cool spot of air” or “there is an orb in this picture.” I need to see it with my eyes. Hear it clear as day or touch it like another human. If I can convince myself, I can stop the incessant thinking that leaves me in panicked cold sweats at night. The fear of nothingness. The fear that my experiences are worthless.
I’m not looking for religion, faith, heaven, hell, or god of any kind. Please understand. I don’t want your prayers or your comments on the health of my “soul”. I don’t want religion. I don’t want god in my life. I’ve seen what religion can do and I want no part of it. I just want to know there might be another form of existence after this one.
So, with that in mind, I am embarking on a series of adventures. Visiting “haunted” buildings, cemeteries, ghost towns, basically anywhere I might have a shot at a good experience. If you’re interested, you can follow posts, pictures, video, whatever evidence I can find and my thoughts in general. Just watch for the title “Chasing After Life”.
I’m also open to suggestions/invites for good haunts. This weekend should offer several posts and I hope something to show for it.