An Exclusive Opportunity

Prompt Day #139: Design an extremely strange ransom note.

 An Exclusive Opportunity

                “Is this a joke?” Connie Webster asked the nurse who’d brought the message to her from the operating room.

“No, I’m sorry, it isn’t” the women said, most of her expression hidden behind the mask.

Connie reread the note, written in a quickly scrawled hand.

Mrs. Webster, your husband’s gallbladder has been removed without incident. He is alive and comfortable. At this time, he remains under general anesthesia. If you want to see your husband again and as intact physically as he currently is, you will pay the anesthesiologist and myself 500,000 each in small bills. You have one hour to return with two biohazard bags filled with the amount in small bills. If our request is not granted, we will remove his colon and continue to remove organs until we have been satisfied.

She looked back up at the nurse.

“This is ridiculous.” She said, still waiting for someone to tell her she was on one of those hidden camera shows that Phillip always had to watch and she found exasperating. Which is why this was exactly the kind of prank Phillip would have happily gone in on. She crumpled the note up and shoved it back at the nurse.

“Let me know when he is in recovery and I can see him.” She said, deciding it best to completely ignore the whole stupid thing. The nurse’s shoulders fell. She took the note and walked away without another word. Thirty minutes later, she returned, this time she carried several papers. Connie stood up and met her at the door. The woman handed her the stack. Connie flipped through them. A serious of photographs taken with a laparoscopic camera showed the dissection and removal of someone’s large intestine. After the last picture which was of the colon now sitting on a blue OR towel, there was another note.

Connie, you had a chance to play nicely but you chose instead to laugh at our request. I can only hope these photos prove our sincerity. We do not want to take the next step. We no longer want your money. Instead, we have been made aware that you and Phillip are the owners of several winning racehorses. You have 1 hour to return with semen collected from these prize winning stallions. During this time, we will be placing Phillip’s colostomy bag. If our request is not fulfilled in that time, the next organ to go will be his testicles. No semen for us, no semen for you.

“I want to speak to the CEO of this hospital immediately!” Connie said standing up and throwing the papers down onto the chair. This little joke has gone too far. You have a law suit on your hands and I don’t care if Phillip is in on this!” She whispered to the women through clenched teeth. No matter how angry, only the most classless would make a scene.

“I’m afraid that would not be in Mr. Webster’s best interest, Mrs. Webster” the nurse said, her eyes pleading with the woman to remain calm and follow the instructions. “I have seen them wake a patient up out of anesthesia while they are still operating. It’s a terrible thing, Mrs. Webster. And if you try to tell anyone about it, Phillip will be able to give you a first-hand account of that.

“Well then you go in there and tell them that I say they are moronic if they think I can just go out and get them a tub of racehorse semen! It doesn’t work that way.” She leaned close to the woman in the mask. “In fact, you go tell them I said if they want semen so badly, they can go fuck themselves.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mrs. Webster.” The nurse said and retreated.

Connie spent the next few minutes on the phone with Robert Lowenstein, her lawyer, who assured her this must be an elaborate prank set up by her husband for some as yet unknown purpose. Come to think of it, it was Phillip who’d found this exclusive, private surgical facility and insisted on trying it. He explained that removing the colon was a common procedure for which the doctors probably had plenty of photos saved in other patients’ files and that unless she had seen evidence that this was indeed her husband’s colon, not to do anything drastic. This made sense, although Connie did remind him that it was her inheritance that had been the seed for their now wealthy and extravagant lifestyle and should this prank of Phillips end in a divorce, it would be in Rob’s best interest to take her as a client and not Phillip. Rob agreed and hung up.

The nurse returned shortly thereafter carrying a small white container and another note. Without a word the woman handed Connie both items and stood awaiting her response. Connie opened the lid and peeked cautiously into the tub. Lying in a sour chemical scented liquid were two oval, cream colored objects, each had what looked like a cap knitted out of pink vessels, one of which trailed on behind it like a severed umbilical cord. She snapped the lid back on the container and shoved it at the nurse. Connie reminded herself of what Robert had said ‘unless you can prove the organ belonged to Phillip, you have to assume this is an elaborate stunt of some sort.” She clenched her jaw to keep from screaming in anger and frustration. There had better be an excellent explanation for putting her through all of this embarrassment. Perhaps he was having plastic surgery rather than just having his gallbladder out and was playing this joke to explain the time the surgery really took. Perhaps he wanted to surprise her with a youthful, handsome new husband. He was getting quite wrinkled and flabby anymore. It would be a nice change. She felt herself relax at the thought. She looked down at the note, this time bemused. The smirk fell from her face halfway through the newest and most vulgar note thus far.

Connie, Connie, Connie. We’re sorry to hear that yet again, you have denied our request. We hope you see that we were serious about keeping our promise. In case you thought you were the sole keeper of your husband’s balls, let us assure you that is now an honor we have bestowed upon ourselves. No more semen for you. Although we can assume that your frequent trips to the plastic surgeon have left you in a position to obtain a new and younger set of balls whenever you please. And so, we have decided to go easy on you this time. This time, you will accompany this nurse to the OR where both Dr. Thompson and myself will be waiting. Here you will provide us with, shall we say “oral comfort” as we attend to your poor, demasculinized husband. If you refuse, we will have to admit defeat and declare the surgery a medical misadventure ending in the unfortunate and painful death of the patient. See you soon.

“That’s it. You tell them to take those balls and shove them up their asses. I am done with this sophomoric prank. Phillip had better pray he is not in on this too.” She stood up to leave.

“I suggest you do as they say, Mrs. Webster. This is the kindest I have ever seen them be with someone.” The nurse said. “I’ve brought you the appropriate attire.” She held out a bag containing a pair of scrubs and accessories. Instead, Connie shoved past her and into the OR suite. The nurse came up briskly behind her. Connie pushed right through the doors just as Phillip let out a blood curdling scream. Dr. Thompson turned when he heard the door. He held in his hand Phillip’s penis. There was no question on that organ. Connie knew it well. Blood ran down Dr. Thompson’s wrist and beyond him, the body strapped to the table wriggled and writhed and howled in agony.

“Oh, Hello there, Connie.” Thompson said still holding the phallus as if it was just another surgical tool. “I just assumed you’d say no to our last request and figured I would go ahead and get started.” Phillip continued to wail and Thompson had to yell to be heard over him. “I’m glad you’ve come though. We can still make good on everything. This thing can be reattached, I just doubt he’ll have much use for it after the castration and you’ll have no interest with it when we’ve finished with you.”

Connie wavered at the site of all the blood. This was all real. Phillips screams were real. What was this place they’d come to?

“Nurse, did you bring Mrs. Webster’s lobotomy tray?” He asked as the nurse wheeled a chair up behind Connie and sat her down.

“Yes, Charles, I mean, Dr. Thompson. Shall I give her the medication now?”